Everybody ready? Let’s go!

… no response …

Oops. I forgot to nurse the baby.

Sit on the stairs and nurse the baby.

Shout loudly into outer space (hoping the children can hear and the neighbors can’t): Everybody to the door!

Apologize to scared baby and try to explain that I’m not shouting at her.

Child 1 comes running by with shoes in hand. “I’m ready!”

No you’re not. You need pants. Go get pants.

Child 2 comes and puts shoes on, but can’t tie them.

Who bought you tie shoes??

You did.

When we get home, remember to remind me to show you a Youtube video about how to tie your shoes.

Child 1: I can’t find pants!

Get some out of the dirty laundry basket. You wore pants yesterday.

Finish nursing baby and tying shoe laces.

Child 1 returns with pants on backwards.

Where’s your shoes?

Child 1 has no idea.

Send Child 2 to find any matching shoes in the whole house.

Ok, let’s go.

Oops. Child 1 needs to go potty first.

Battle ensues.

Child, why is this always a fight?! Will you get potty-trained sometime before you go to college?

Time to break out the Big Words.

If you don’t use the bathroom, you’ll get an INFECTION.

Child 1: big eyes. Complies immediately.

He has no idea what an infection is.

Child 2 brings shoes then runs away and starts playing with Child 1’s toys.

Mission Bathroom Battle successfully completed.

Pick up crying baby.

Let’s go.

Child 1 discovers stolen toy in use and chases Child 2 around the house screaming, “You stole my Octotablet!” (TM, apparently)

Child 2: He wasn’t even playing with it!

Only because he was in the bathroom. You know the rules.

The Rules: Toys in active use (counting from time play begins until next toy enters active fascination phase) belong to the player, regardless of actual touching of said toy. If another player wants it to change ownership, that player must offer a suitable trade or somehow convince the other player that it is no longer desirable.”

Besides, we’re going.

Nobody can play with it right now.

Shoes on Child 1.

Grab pre-prepared snacks, diaper bag, purse, coats, mittens, extra blanket.

Get everyone out the door!!

Oops. I forgot a coat for myself.

Nobody move. Stay on the front porch. I’ll be right back.

Child 2: I forgot something too!

No, you don’t need any …

Child 1 rushes in, pushing past Child 2. I forgot something too!!

Baby is alone on the front porch in her car seat. Asleep.

Don’t mess with Asleep.

Grab coat and re-corral hooligans.

Ok, we have everything. Let’s go.

Get in car. Buckle up all hooligans. Start the car.

Oops. Forgot to buckle in the buckled up baby’s car seat.

Ok, ready to go.

Back out of driveway.

We did it!

… Did I remember to turn off the stove? …

Other parenting and life-with-littles posts:

• The Ultimate Baby registry for the minimalist mother
• Life through your eyes – a poem to my newborn daughter
• The best Math games for kids (and adults!) – a gift guide
• Lifeschooling: Is this homeschooling … or is it life?